Exchange Ministries Offering Hope, Healing & Wholeness to the Relationally & Sexually Wounded
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Testimonies from Exchange Ministries
“Out of the Darkness and into His marvelous light”
I grew up as the fourth of five children. Growing up, I continually felt rejected by my father. I remember lying in my bed on several occasions as a young child, crying because I longed for his attention. On one occasion, I watched our next door neighbor playing in the yard with his son. I went to my room feeling unwanted and rejected by my father. I wondered what was wrong with me? Why did my father not want to spend any time with me? What had I done to cause my father to dislike me? These are questions I wrestled with all through my childhood. I can't ever remember my father telling me that he loved me until I was a grown man. Unfortunately, by that time the damage had already been done. Around the age of nine or ten I again began feeling rejected by my peers. It was also at this point in my life that several men sexually abused me. This continued into high school, which caused me to become more and unhappy with my life. I can’t remember the first time I heard what the word “gay” meant, but it scared me. I had begun to fantasize about men, thinking that somehow I might be able to get their attention. These things began to cause me to wish I could end my life.
I struggled with these feelings all through high school. At the age of seventeen, while working at Walt Disney World, I met a gay man who introduced me to the homosexual community. I remember the first time I went to a gay bar. I was accepted and found a sense of camaraderie. I was excited that I had finally found the acceptance that I had always looked for; unfortunately, it was in the wrong places. Eventually the feelings of rejection and worthlessness returned to haunt me. In 1981, I moved to Maine in an attempt to leave the gay lifestyle. However, I had not dealt with any of the real issues that lead to my homosexual struggle. I began attending an Assembly of God church in Sanford, Maine and went back to finish high school. A couple months before I graduated, my cousin told me that she was gay. That just opened the door for me all over again.
In 1983, I met Gary and, in August of 1984, we had a wedding ceremony in our back yard and committed our lives to each other. I thought that I was finally going to be happy. We moved to Florida in September of 1984, and in 1986, we purchased a home together. I was managing for a local restaurant chain where Gary worked for me. We became friends with our supervisor, Debby. We would often spend time with her and her two boys. I had many opportunities to talk with her one on one. I would tell her that I believed that one day I would leave the gay lifestyle. In June of 1990, Debby, who had given her life over to the Lord the year before, invited Gary and me to go and hear Sy Rogers. She had informed me that he was once gay but had overcome his gay identity and was now walking in freedom and happily married. I had bought into the lie that “once gay always gay” so I did not think that change was possible. I asked Gary if he wanted to go with us but he was not interested. So, on June 23rd, I went to hear Sy Rogers. What he said that night changed my life forever! I realized that evening that I was not born gay, nor had God created me to be gay. I heard that if I committed my life to Jesus Christ and trusted Him, I could walk in freedom from my false gay identity and into a new and true identity found only in relationship with Jesus. This was a defining moment in my life. That night, I made a conscious decision to leave Gary. I began attending a little community church and re-committed my life to the Lord a few weeks later. I was invited to attend a Bible Study with a group of people who loved me unconditionally. The men in this group extended grace, mercy, love and commitment and it was through these healthy, non-erotic, non-sexual relationships with men in the body of Christ that I learned what healthy love from other men was meant to be. It was the beginning of the healing process in my life. Once I made the decision to leave Gary, God began showing me several things: 1. That I would leave the gay lifestyle. 2. That I would have the opportunity to help lead others out of the gay lifestyle. 3. That he would bring me a wife and family. In late 1990, I began attending “Eleutheros”, now called Exchange Ministries, an Exodus affiliate ministry in Winter Park, Florida. I got involved in an accountability group and a “Becomers” group. The healing process restored the relationship with my father and allowed me to begin to forgive the rejection and pain he had caused in my life. After walking through some tremendous healing in my own life, I was given the opportunity to move into a leadership position and facilitate some of the groups for Eleutheros. I was happier than I had ever been. I was serving the Lord and having my needs met in healthy ways for the first time in my life. God began to do exactly what He had shown me. I was not even aware of what was happening. In 1992, Dena, a former lesbian, was leading our group in worship. She had a beautiful voice and was also very attractive. After finding out that she was also interested in me, I decided to ask her out a few weeks later. Ten months later Dena and I were married. God was continuing his plan of healing and wholeness in my life. Then another miracle came and God blessed us with our first son, Joseph Michael, born August 11, 1995. A few weeks after Joseph was born, I had the opportunity to lead my former partner, Gary, in the sinner’s prayer just two days before he died of AIDS. I thank God for allowing me to bring change to Gary’s life before he died. Well, our God is an awesome God because on April 23, 1998, we were blessed with our second son, Jason Matthew. When Jason was four years old, he told his mom and me that we were going to have a baby. Two and a half weeks later we found out that Dena was pregnant with our third child! Jacob David was born on Good Friday, April 18, 2003. I continue to stand amazed of all the Lord has done through my obedience to Him and His word. I am abundantly blessed to have the life I now have. Throughout our marriage, we have had the opportunity to share and minister with our testimony at youth groups, churches, and a few college campuses. We have also been able to share our story of healing and restoration in Red Book Magazine, ABC’s 20/20, The Leeza Gibbons Show, several newspapers, radio, and television news programs. We are very careful to tell people that marriage is not a cure to homosexuality but simply a benefit of healing and wholeness in our lives. GOD HAS brought me out of the darkness (homosexuality, drugs, and alcohol) into His marvelous light. GOD IS allowing Dena and me to minister to others through the healing that has taken place in our own lives. GOD WILL continue the work that He has begun until the day of Jesus’ return, and we will continue to testify about the healing power and unconditional love of our Lord, Jesus Christ.